It’s tempting to lead with logistics, but that can feel like pressure. Start by focusing on their preferences.

✅ DO ask: “If you couldn’t live on your own anymore, what would you want?”

This shows respect for their autonomy. It opens the door to real conversation, not a shutdown.

❌ DON’T ask: “Have you thought about assisted living or a nursing home?”

This sounds like a decision has already been made. It puts people on the defensive and shuts down dialogue before it starts.

Hard conversations get easier when they aren’t framed around loss. Keep it supportive… not scary.

✅ DO ask: “If one of you needed care and the other didn’t, what would that look like?”

It starts a calm, practical conversation about real possibilities.

❌ DON’T ask: “What happens when one of you dies?”

It sounds harsh and final. That can stop the conversation cold.

Most people haven’t finished their estate planning. In fact, only 24% of Americans have a will in place.¹ Starting here helps parents feel seen, not judged.

✅ DO ask: “What do you already have in place?”

It shows you trust they’ve taken some steps and opens the door for what’s next.

❌ DON’T ask: “You don’t have long-term care insurance, do you?”

That feels accusatory and can trigger guilt or shutdown.

Many people diagnosed with dementia feel uncomfortable telling others, often because they’re afraid of being treated differently.²

That’s why it helps to ask about fears, not diagnoses. You’ll learn what really matters to them.

✅ DO ask: “What worries you most about getting older?”

It shows you care about their experience, not just the plan.

❌ DON’T ask: “Are you scared of getting dementia?”

It’s too specific and clinical. That kind of question can create anxiety or shame.

Long-term care conversations can get complicated fast. Suggesting a financial advisor helps take pressure off both of you, and makes it easier to focus on the big picture.

✅ DO ask: “Would it help if we talked to a financial advisor together?”

It brings in professional help without making anyone feel judged or overwhelmed.

❌ DON’T ask: “Don’t you think you should talk to someone about this?”

That can sound like blame. It puts them on the spot and may make them shut down.